That which does not kill us…

Foreword

Have you ever surprised yourself?
Has anything ever happened to you that revealed a dimension of your being that you weren’t aware of?

During my recent trip to Pittsburgh, USA, I posed this question to one of our Ministry Team members, Tracy Spencer.  Her answers to the question so inspired and intrigued me that I asked her to share them here via a series of posts under the general theme of ‘mother’s love.’

Here’s her story…

That which does not kill us…

“That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.”
~Friedrich Nietzche 

As a freshman in college I had been dating my high school sweetheart for nearly 4 years. He had been my first love and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. However, all through our relationship he drank. He had been drinking since he was a teen and the older he got, the worse the drinking got.

In spite of the drinking and the fighting, I held on…thinking for sure that “he would change, if only I loved him enough”.
I never considered my life without him, to me no such life existed. I would have stayed with him forever… the drinking and fighting was just part of the package.

We were both surprised to find out we were expecting a child.
At the time we were happy and excited about having a baby. However, neither of us were prepared for all the changes that marriage and parenting would bring.

His drinking continued to get worse, as did the relationship.
His temper was horrible and the fights continued to escalate.

Becoming a mother

Well, our beautiful daughter came in December.
No words can truly convey the magnitude of the unconditional, all consuming love that came with becoming a mother.
A clarity came over my life that had never been there before.  Suddenly my life had a very significant purpose, which was to love, teach and protect this tiny being, at any cost.

I quickly realized that my husband wasn’t going to stop drinking, and that the fighting was only going to get worse.
For the first time in my life I was overcome with the instinct to protect. I knew in my heart that living under such circumstances was not the best thing that I could do for my child.

The road ahead was very traumatic as the anger exploded. It turned into one long battle in and out of court. The experience was very difficult and we lived under pressure and in fear a lot of the time.

It made me stronger…

However, I have no regrets about  that time in my life.
Today, my daughter at 15 years of age, is stronger than most adults I know. She is wise and there are no limits to her love and capability.

At the beginning of that journey, I wasn’t much older than she is now. I was 19 when she was born.
I certainly did not think I had the strength or power to fight, survive and overcome all the obstacles that were laid before me. But the mother in me took over, fought the battles, and won the war, and made me stronger…

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